The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize