One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
