Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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