what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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