Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
