Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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