Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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