Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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