You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
