He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
