I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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