They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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