I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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