Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
