I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
