I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
