i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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