my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize