My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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