Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
