I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
