I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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