there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
