Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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