I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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