My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
