New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
This is classic penis vs brain.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
