Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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