I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
foreskin is a definite game changer
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
