I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
