dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
