Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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