Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
