I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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