I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
