I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize