AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You were trust falling into bushes
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
