i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Do vagina's smell?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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