three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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