I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
