I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
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