Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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