her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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