I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
someone owes me an orgasm
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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