you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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