ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
