oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
not ubering you a puppy
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
