You can't motorboat a personality
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
