I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
