My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
