I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
