yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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