so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
