I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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