May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
