Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
