My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize