OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
