I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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