Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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