I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
In America we eat man semen.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
