Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
