So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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