he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
