Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize