He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My vagina is very pro this idea
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
