I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize