the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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