I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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