that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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