a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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