She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
