I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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