funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
