Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
