the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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