Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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